since we're in the topic of psychological state, i find myself to be in a rather awkward position, exposing my neurosis and suspicions to the world earlier today. i doubt that it's something i would indulge in again. and i must confess how much i dislike being put in an awkward decision with very little room to wiggle through. i need to be precise and clear of my emotional standing, but i can't help but move away form conflict, which usually ends disastrously - me acting the martyr.

sometimes i need to understand that people might prey on others that prefers to avoid conflict, and i shouldn't show respect to people who disrespected me. i find myself tending to other people's emotional well-being while deserting my own. the next time that scarecrow tells me that i should stop observing and starts participating, i shouldn't keep quiet. nobody knows me and they never will. people should stop acting like they know what's best for others, based on their own experience.